friends, everyone needs them

otherwise what's life?

Loneliness kills and is linked to “more than 871,000 deaths a year”, according to the UN Health agency.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Every hour, someone, no 100 PEOPLE, die from loneliness-related causes.

Whaaaaat?!

Makes you pause, shudder and thank God for the people you have in your life, right?

Sorry to start this piece with something so macabre as these stats, but that’s the reality of the world we live in. We’re supposed to be so connected, yet the opposite reigns true. We’re more disconnected than ever, and it shows.

But there’s hope!

How?

Friends.

What is a friend?

Cambridge Dictionary defines it as:

a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family.

That’s part of it, but I prefer the Oxford Dictionary’s definition:

A person with whom one has developed a close and informal relationship of mutual trust and intimacy; (more generally) a close acquaintance.

Trust. Intimacy. Mutual.

Now, that’s what I’m talking about.

You are not entitled to be friends with someone unless you’re a kid or going to church and have no autonomy, but that’s a different chat.

You get to determine who has access to you.

Friendship for me is one of the most beautiful relationships a human being can experience.

I’m the type of girl who makes friends over email. My email responses are essays, as are my text messages. The longer the better. When I find someone who reciprocates this energy, I thank God because people have the attention span of a fruit fly or worse.

I’m the kind of girl who hops on calls for 2, 3 hours and kiki’s and cries and has a ball. There are no awkward silences, just love, warmth and appreciation.

I’m the kind of girl who loves getting podcasts as voice notes, hearing your laughter, thoughts, fears and ambitions.

I’m also the kind of girl who stays rooting for my people. Compliments are second nature for me. I see the god in every single one of my friends and want them to know that they are capable of everything they wish to achieve in this life.

I love my friends. I am so blessed to have them in my life. They are a reflection of who I am, and I couldn’t be prouder. My friends are kind, empathetic, sensitive, funny as heck, intelligent (emotionally and otherwise), kind, caring, considerate and and and. This isn’t to say they don’t have bad qualities; everyone does, but their good qualities overshadow them by a long shot.

I sent one of my closest friends a message saying she better be alive because I hadn’t heard from her in two weeks. Mind you, she’s almost twice my age, but I digress. What can I say? I’m a millennial.

I have friends as young as 8 and as old as their 80s. They each bring something special and unique to my life. They are different races, cultures, strengths and hearts. They check up on me randomly, remind me of something I had forgotten and assure me that I’m doing just fine.

I cry with my friends, laugh with them, celebrate and mourn, hold space for and get the same back.

Where am I going with all of this?

PLEASE MAKE FRIENDS!

Even one quality friend is better than 100 fake ones. Your life will be significantly better when you know without a doubt that you are not alone.

And if you're arguing that no one wants to be your friend, that’s not true. There’s definitely someone who gets you for who you are. They’re probably thinking the same thing and hoping to find you. So make yourself known. Respond to emails, slide into DMs, go for picnics, solo dates, the museum, anywhere you can find people. Suss out who could be a fit and take it from there. It literally starts with a simple “hi”. Don’t overthink it. It’ll evolve naturally. And if nothing comes of it, you still had a good experience and learned something about you or the other person. No losses, just lessons.

There was a time that I was on my “no new friends” train, but it has since passed, and thanks to that, I’m making the best kind of friends, the ones who are meeting me where I am. Who pour into me and don’t extract. Healthy friendships where I can truly be myself, grow and just be.

Healthy friendships are possible in this day and age, as long as you show up as the person you want to attract. You didn’t think I’d let you get away with not doing the work, did you ;) Be the friend you want, simple though not easy. Work on being kind, thoughtful, patient, and understanding because these qualities are the very foundation of a strong, long-lasting and healthy friendship.

If you need help making friends, my DMs are open.

If you are my friend and reading this, thank you, and I love you sooooooo much. Thank you for being in my life and deeming me worthy of mutual trust and intimacy.